I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
