The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
