I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
