I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
