hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
