He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
