it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
