i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Randomize
