you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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