I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
