Ambien. No doubt about it.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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