Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
