If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Randomize
