his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
