I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
