Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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