Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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