Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Randomize
