Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Randomize
