At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Randomize
