As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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