actually, I'm a sock model
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
