Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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