I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
he fucked my hip out of place.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
