this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
