he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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