I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
