Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
