You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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