Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
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