Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
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