I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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