Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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