Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
