WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
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