it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
