he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
