You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Someone came in the potted fern
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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