Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Randomize
