dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
