he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
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