the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
