Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
