and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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