At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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