My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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