I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
