guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
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