Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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