Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
be right there i have to get my cape
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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