just come out here and I will go home with you...
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Randomize
