Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
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