Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
