The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Randomize
