Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Walk of Shame today included voting.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
