went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
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