You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
you had me at cake vodka
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize