I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
