WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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