just tell him i said nine months
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Randomize
