I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Randomize
