I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
