I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Let's get the cat blown out
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize