I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
and she was petting her beer can
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Boobs are out for the taking
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
